Food for Thought

Interesting article in The Washington Post, found here.

(and I hope my post title makes you giggle)

A Little Help

Occasionally I get comments saying something to the effect of, "Oh, you're such a great mom!" And when I see such a comment I stop and ask myself, "Are they reading the same blog I am? How on earth have they become so deluded!" (That's a bit tongue-in-cheek.)
Ok, so I'm not a horrible mother. I'm not saying that at all. I love my kids, they're fed and dressed, they don't get beaten, and they at least get a bedtime story. But in no way do I think I deserve the "World's Best Mom" title. But I'd like to have it. And someday I hope my kids think I deserve it. So I'm working on it.
So, here's a little known secret. I don't usually tell people what I fast for but today I'll make an exception. Last Fast Sunday I fasted to be a better mom. Wrapped up in that plea were thoughts of patience, endurance, a little more love (and maybe a bit less screaming). We have been having a very difficult and trying month or two and I was out of options. There were days that I really thought I hated being a mom and I just wanted someone to come and take over. Now I only thought I hated it because if I bothered to pause for two seconds and tried to be honest with myself I remembered that I would never want anyone else even pretending to raise my children. But then the chaos would continue and those two seconds just didn't seem to be enough.
Now back to the fasting. Like I said, I was out of options. Things weren't getting better, I was miserable, and my children were not getting what they deserved. So I turned it over to the Lord. And then a tiny miracle. I was exhausted all day Sunday (it was fasting day afterall) but not a loud word escaped my lips. I was too tired and being patient was just easier that day. And then it happened again the next day. And then the next. And... well, we're on day ten and no one has heard Mommy yell once.
Please note, cause this is important, that the miracle did not happen in my children. They still fight and make messes and completely ignore me. No, it wasn't that easy. The change occurred in me. Although I'm not quite sure I've actually even changed yet. Maybe a teensy little bit. But not much. No, I'm convinced that the Lord is doing most of the work here because I can't and I asked. And maybe as I slowly have my change of heart I'll find that I'm doing more and more on my own. And then maybe I'll be the World's Greatest Mom.

Question

Does it count as quality time if you're in the toyroom working on the budget or reading a book while your kids play around you (often making a budget of her own)? I am often stumped as to how much time to call "quality." I'm home with them all day long, so how much devoted, sit-down, only playing time does there need to be? I get really bored playing "camping." Not to mention the fact that I usually commit to playing a game only to be bossed around doing dumb things like packing bags or she gets side-tracked and I'm left sitting there. So what's enough?

Randomness culminating in Not So Randomness

Thoughts of the morning:

I am tired of Cute Girl's hair. She has hair just like her father's and it grows every which way. This makes keeping her bangs tame a bit of a challenge. I finally decided this morning that we're just going to let them grow out. Hopefully her hair will look ok by the time her aunt's wedding arrives in June. Otherwise I am seriously tempted to go have her hair done so it looks ok for the pictures.

This summer the kids are getting a new playground and grass in the backyard so I'm planning on them spending LARGE amounts of time outdoors while I look on from the cool shelter of my family room. We bought inexpensive playclothes from Target so that they could dirty them without my caring. When I got them home, I pulled off all the tags and put them straight in the wash. When they came out, I discovered that Cute Girl's 4T shorts were shorter than Handsome Face's 12 mos shorts. Her shorts barely cover her legs. What's up with that? It's not a huge deal, as she's only three but I didn't expect little girl short to be so, well, short.

My children and I had the flu two weeks ago. Our noses have still not gone back to normal and there is still some residual coughing. As is the sickness itself wasn't torture enough, it has to be dragged out over half the year.

Now for the not so random. I loved Conference this weekend. I felt like I couldn't get enough. The talks were amazing and I'm having trouble picking a favorite. Right now I'm leaning towards Elder Bednar's talk on prayer. Although I liked President Eyring and Elder Holland too. And then there were the lovely talks on family and mothers by Elder Ballard and Sister Lant. Ok, there's too many I liked. I haven't even seen Saturday afternoon yet, as we were at a company picnic, but I liked the other sessions so much that I have already started to rewatch them. I listed to President Eyring and Elder Holland last night as I cleaned up the kitchen while the Rocket Scientist was out with the missionaries. And today I am just itching to put it back on. But the laptop is at work and the kids will destroy my bedroom if we try to listen in here. I feel as though I was in need of some serious spiritual nourishment and all I got was a taste.

To make it up to you...

Ok, the last post was long and boring, I know. So to make up for it we'll play picture catch-up.
Cute Girl wearing the sticker earrings she got in Grandma's Valentine.

The Rocket Scientist playing with my new iPod before I even had the chance.
Getting help with the twisty ladder.
Just a handsome face
Occasionally we have pictures with Mommy

Today is a day for self-reflection...

I workout.

My husband does not.

He is skinny. (You can see his abs.)

I am not. (Mine are buried under flab.)

Please explain.

What the World Could Do Without (just my soapbox)

I love having only one car. It's so much less expensive. Less gas. Less car payment (especially since I have owned mine for years and there is NO CAR PAYMENT). Less insurance. And more time since we consolidate all errands. But I really love showing the world that it can be done. I love it when people suggest we need another car and I say no, we really don't, and they look at me incredulously and then I put forth that we're completely happy and list the above reasons as verification of that fact. Yes, there are times when it would be convenient to have a second car, but I think most people would be amazed at just what they can do without and what they can come up with in a pinch. Now all of this goes along with my not owning a cell phone or paying for television. I LOVE not having a cell phone. Oh, the freedom. Instead of being on the phone in the car I talk to my husband. Instead of constantly texting about trivial things I spend time with my kids. "But they're so convenient! I get free long distance! I can call people on the other side of Disneyland! I can call people when we get to the restaurant and tell them where to meet us!" My answer? Having long distance is not that expensive, and by having the option to call unlimitedly and text all you want, you will. And you'll waste a lot of time doing it. And for the rest, how do you think people survived before cell phones?!?! Disneyland? Use walkie-talkies. One time purchase and WAY more fun (just ask N). And meeting up? Why not make your plans beforehand? It's just as easy to say "we're meeting here" before jumping in the cars as it is to call once you get there. And my mom agrees, so that means I must be right. Oh, and I have had car trouble once or twice and I survived without a phone. So there.

So, if I choose not to have multiple cars or cell phones, just let me alone. I'm perfectly happy, and I don't need everyone telling me how wrong I am. (Not that any of you reading this are the ones actually doing the telling.) If you choose to have them, fine. I would just rather put an extra $100 into our retirement every month than have a cell phone I could do without. Or buy $70 worth of home improvement items than have cable which will just induce me to watch even more television and not work on my house. Now you can all get on your soapboxes and tell me why having high-speed internet or buying name brand clothing is ridiculous. Those are my can't do with-outs!

Tax Refunds

So, I thought I would post something not so "soapbox-ish" to read, but then I realized that I don't have any new pictures of the kids. What can I say, we've been boring lately. I would send you a picture of the sweetness lying in the nursery right now but I'm too afraid the camera would wake him up.

So instead I'll tell you about fun stuff. (Fun for me, anyways.)

We've finished our federal taxes and would have filed them already except I discovered that N's social was wrong on one of his W-2's. Now we're waiting for that. And it irks me cause I've got a lot of money coming back from the government and I'm ready to spend it! I've already spent it a million times over in my head. The last student loan is high on the list. That's a definite. Then the rest is a little more flexible. Disneyland crossed the radar for awhile and N made lots of inquiries into accomodations and such, but that's probably out the window. Then N made the observation that our car, although running fine, will not last forever, and we should probably start saving up for a new one. I liked this idea (even though the thought of losing my beloved car was heartbreaking - who knew I could ever actually love a car?) and we'll probably put a big chunk away for that.
Then there are the few things that would kind of be nice to have but I never have the money for them - like a new water softener, a steam cleaner for all of the lil kid things on the carpet, a paper shredder for my office, etc. But those are all boring and this is supposed to be about fun, so....

This is our yard, as seen from my bedroom window.

It's dirt.But it's also a very large yard for this area of the country. That's one of the big reasons why we chose this particular house.

And while winter is still in full-swing for most of you, here in the desert, spring has arrived. Weird, huh? There are people everywhere hauling wheelbarrows full of stone. And I think I just might like to join 'em.

I think landscaping my backyard is a great way to spend my tax return. And luckily so does N. Now we just have to decide what we want to do. We've been thinking about it ever since we moved here, but with M being born last summer, we didn't get a chance to do anything about it.

We're definitely putting in grass which is a big undertaking. How on earth are you supposed to install a drip-system? I didn't even know they existed before we moved here. Grass is just supposed to grow. Period. At least it does in places where I'd like to live. Whose idea was it to move to the desert anyways? Don't answer that.

So, once we figure out the grass, we're putting in trees and stone (you kind of have to in the desert) and a playground and extending the patio and... and... and...

I'm starting to wonder if all this is going to fit. I think I need a bigger yard.

Oh, and here's what some of my neighbors hve done with their yards.

Just gravel. Boring, but efficient.This will be pretty. Extended patio with what I'm guessing will be a bordered grassy area. And then the requisite rocks. Yeck.

So, what are you doing with your refund?

I Recommend...

So Rachael had this idea, and I liked it, so here goes...

I recommend Dawn dish soap for pre-treating grease based stains like spaghetti sauce. Oh, and warm water.

I recommend swaddling babies for sleep. It always works. Ask Kristin.

If you don't know something, I recommend educating yourself by using the library. That's how I know so much about baby sleep (that and my first one refused). I currently have books on woodworking so N and I can build shelves for the kids toy room and a book on house plants so my alive but not thriving plants can have a new shot at life. And my beginning sewing book has taught me so much that on occasion I've even given other people tips!

I recommend letting your kids walk on walks and not ride in strollers. Kids are supposed to get 60 minutes of exercise every day and most aren't. If you walk for your own exercise, then be sure to take an extra walk or go to the park for the lil' ones.

I recommend having a fun dinner night once a week. Ours is pizza night every Friday. We make it all from scratch, even the crust. Well, the sauce isn't scratch I guess. We tried that but it just wasn't worth the time and it wasn't actually all that better. Since we do it every week I've become very adept at whipping it all up in no time.

I recommend letting little kids help with the housework. S like to fold the burp cloths and "water" aka rinse the dishes before they go in the dishwasher. It takes longer and sometimes is a bit messy, but you'll teach your kids good skills and you'll spend quality time with them while still doing some chores.

I recommend this book. It's fabulous. And quite tasty.

I recommend reading books with your husband. Way better than spending hours in front of the tv. We might try Sherlock Holmes next. I've read them all but he hasn't.

So Christmas is almost here!!! Yea! I love Christmas, but I hate getting up early. N disagrees on this point. His family wakes up four hours before dawn, then wakes everyone else up, then they open presents. In my family, we always had to wait until everyone woke up on their own - and my little sister could sleep! When I was younger, this drove me crazy, but now I kind of like it. Although, my dad has to work on Christmas (he's a paramedic with the fire dept) so we have to get up early anyway this year. N is very happy about this. Two years ago, when we were last at my family's for Christmas, I found him in the living room at four in the morning, sitting there all by himself reading a book. I think I was up because of S. He's nutsy.
So I was thinking about Christmas Eve, along with Christmas mornings, and I remember at least one Christmas when I was little that my sibs and I all took our mattresses off the bed and piled them next to each other on the floor. We slept in one giant bed together. It was fun. That's all.

Favorite Things

I love spending time with my husband. Strange, but true. Especially considering how strange HE is. One of my absolute favorite things to do with him is read. We've done this on and off our entire marriage. We'll pick out a book and read it to one another. But I must confess, I prefer him reading to me rather than the other way around. What can I say? I'm lazy. But anyways, we've read some really fun things. We just finished a book called Al Capone Does My Shirts. It was really good. It's about a boy who moves with his family to Alcatraz so that they can live in San Francisco where there's a school for his autistic sister. Currently we're reading The Candy Shoppe War by Brandon Mull. Incidentally, I know the author. We also read his Fablehaven books. We usually pick light-hearted, fun books. Often they're for young adults or fantasy (or both).
It's nice because it gives us something to do once the kids are in bed that we both enjoy. Often we'll snuggle in bed or on the couch with hot chocolate. (What could be better? Chocolate goes with everything!) Then we read until one of us (ok, me) says they're too tired to go on and it's time for bed. I really like it because we often don't have anything interesting to say to one another. I mean, how often does anyone want to hear about dirty diapers and tantrums? And circuit boards aren't really at the top of the fascinating list. But instead of turning on the tv, we can read, and in this way we're still interacting with one another. Oh, and then later it gives us something to talk about!

Oh - and it's fun to laugh together. Like when we read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Those books have some great lines.

Our Sabbath

Oh, what a day. Whoever said that Sunday was a day of rest didn't have kids. Or husbands. (But I love mine dearly.)

For reasons I have yet to comprehend, we can never seem to make it out of the house on time on Sunday. Now, we are rarely actually late to Church, but I never get the seat I want. Well, today was no exception. We were fifteen minutes late leaving for Stake Conference. Then when we got to the car I asked N if he knew how to get to the Stake Center. He said he knew about where it was, having carpooled to a Stake Priesthood meeting. So, off we went, already late. Well, it turns out that the Stake Center was not where N thought it was. After cruising up and down the wrong road we stopped at a gas station to check a phone book. We had two addresses to choose from. Of course it was the second address we checked, in another part of town. But he did get us there (35 minutes into the meeting) and for that I am grateful. Luckily, the kids were pretty good and my darling husband put M to sleep for me.
The one talk that I got to listen to was our Stake President. He had some interesting comments to make on being thankful for what we have. He related the following story which I liked and decided to share a bit of. It was originaly in The New Yorker.

Kurt Vonnegut to Joseph Heller, while having dinner at the home of a very wealthy man:

I said, “Joe, how does it make you feel to know that our host only yesterday may have made more money than your novel ‘Catch-22′ has earned in its entire history?” And Joe said, “I’ve got something he can never have.” And I said, “What on earth could that be, Joe?” And Joe said, “The knowledge that I’ve got enough.”

And so, with the season of thanks being upon us, I am trying to "know" that I have enough and to be grateful for that. Like husbands who try to cheer me up when we're thirty-five minutes late to Conference. Or a sweet baby who smiles at everyone sitting behind us. Or a wise two year old who starts singing "Jesus Said Love Everyone" when her daddy gets mad at the motorist who just pulled out in front of him. I really do have enough.

Joy in Little Things....

.... gathering dirty laundry from around the house and catching the scent of sweet, clean baby.

.... S's eyes going as big as saucers when I tell her there's a Tootsie Roll (her new favorite candy) in the middle of her sucker.

.... while S was jabbering away during lunch, I caught the words "I'm thankful." So I ask what she's thankful for. "My mom."

Musings from Sunday

On Saturday we had a baptism and welcomed the Lintow family into our ward. As a ward missionary, N has been able to watch their progress up close. It's amazing what a difference the gospel can bring about in people's lives. This family looks so different from what they did just a few months ago and they are so happy. N got to baptize the youngest daughter. She's in senior Primary so I'm guessing she's 9 or 10 years old. When she came up out of the water she had the biggest grin on her face and started clapping her hands uncontrollably, she was so excited. It was really cute. And I was extremely impressed at how the ward turned up to support them. The Relief Society room was packed and the front was lined with itty bitty Primary children. (As a side note, when I told S we were going to a baptism Saturday morning, she requested that she be allowed to play in the baptising water.) Most of the people there hadn't even met this family. It was great to see. Now I need to start following their example and get to know this new family better, as most of what I know of them has been learned vicariously through N.
And speaking of our ward, we seem to have a pretty good one. We don't really know a whole lot of people and therefore don't have too many friends (boy I miss Utah sometimes!), but the people here do seem to be strong members. Everyone does a good job of serving in their callings from what I can see and the missionary effort seems to be moving ahead. Our ward is growing by leaps and bounds, albeit that's due mostly to new move-ins. There are already three wards in our chapel and we need a fourth, but the building is too small. Kind of amazing considering the third ward was just added in April. I'm hoping we get a new chapel announced soon (maybe a stake?).
So, I'm a CTR 6 Primary teacher. Primary hadn't even crossed my mind as a possible calling when we moved to this ward. I've worked almost exclusively in Relief Society my entire adult life! So I was a little surprised (and not too excited) when that call came. It's working out though. At times I even enjoy it! But mostly it's just hard. I'm not a teacher (history major with NO teaching certificate, there's a clue) but have enjoyed teaching adults in Church because that's more of a discussion leading type assignment. And adults at least stay quiet even if your lesson is awful. Kids are a whole other story. I feel sorry for them a lot, as my lessons aren't that exciting. But on the flip side, a few of them don't make it too easy. They are all good, smart, sweet kids. But there are two imparticular who just can't seem to behave during class. I'm at my wits end! I've no idea what to do with them. And since I am not a great teacher, all attempts to engage them in a new way has failed miserably. Oh well. They are sweet sometimes. I'll probably still be their teacher in the new year, so maybe they'll grow out of it a bit (don't squash my deluded hope!).

S's Wisdom

I just love how little children are so innocent and yet so wise beyond their years. Often it seems that they understand the world much better than we do.

Today, as I was getting S dressed, she asked why we were putting on Church clothes. She is in the ask questions about everything phase and I thought this was just another one. I responded that it was because we were going to church. She then said, "It's a commandment because Jesus loves us." I told her that she was right and that we do it to show Jesus that we love him, feeling that this was actually a better response to the commandment thing but then I started thinking. I came to the conclusion that in a way she was more right than I was. We do keep the commandments to show Christ that we love him, but he first gave us the commandment and he did this because he loves us. This world and probation period would be useless if we did not have commandments and the agency to choose whether or not we keep those commandments. I'm so grateful that I have a Father and Savior who loved us enough to give us commandments and to trust us to follow their example.

Why the guilt?

Why is it that we, as mothers, are so stinking hard on ourselves? So often at the end of the day, right before my husband gets home, I feel like a failure? My house is a mess; I didn't spend enough quality time with each child; S didn't eat a single vegetable; I gave M a bottle because I just couldn't stand to hear him cry anymore; and the list goes on.
Now, I saw/heard of a study... Now, I should preface this. I don't remember where this came from. It was probably a segment on the Today show, which I'm addicted to. I hate it when people start quoting things that they don't have references to (especially in Sunday School), but I'm going to do it anyway. So, back to the beginning. I saw something on the Today show probably that compared the amount of time mothers spend with their children. Just for illustration (these numbers are NOT right), let's say in the 1950s women spent 10 hours a week with their kids, and today women spend 14 hours with their kids. Yet, women today feel much guiltier today than 60 years ago. WHY is that?!
Typical day for us: I get woken up at 5 to feed a baby. Go back to bed. S gets out of bed before I go back to sleep. Put her back to bed. Go back to bed. Before I get back to sleep it's 6am and S's up again. I get her up and ready for the day. M wakes up. I get him ready for the day. It's now after seven. I help N get off, put M down for a nap. I know get to eat finally. It's 7:30 or 8:00 and I've been awake and starving since 5. I try and watch the news while eating breakfast but S is all over me, putting her fingers into my cereal and getting whiny and mischievous. I feel guilty and frustrated and turn off the news. Why?
And the day continues in a similar fashion. Much of my frustration stems from the fact that my darling little girl won't be separated from my side for a second. She's constantly following me, even if it means leaving her snack or tea party. It doesn't matter that I tell her I'm just going to put M's pacifier back in or go brush my teeth and I'll be right back. Nor does it matter that I'm already going back downstairs by the time she reaches the top. So, for instance, today while I was cleaning my room (which needed to be done very badly) she insisted on being there instead of playing by herself. This resulted in nothing being done satisfactorily. I wasn't working effectively because I was constantly pulling S out of something that I had already cleaned up and telling her 'no.' She was getting frustrated because I wouldn't play or let her play with anything. Never mind that I would have time to play with her if she would just go away and play by herself while I finished the job. And in all of this I feel guilty.
So why do we do it? Yes, we're not perfect, but no one expects us to be. So how on earth are we supposed to find a balance between taking care of and playing with our kids and working and cleaning the house? Oh, and maybe do something for ourselves every now and then - preferably guilt free.